I always get what I need when I stop and listen to my Inner Being. She’s wise. She’s kind and She’s great at getting what really needs to be done, done.
I was pushing through something today that was beginning to feel the opposite of easy. Even my computer was trying to communicate with me: it kept crashing, not saving my work. ( Mercury retrograde might have been working its trickster magic too!) I finally stopped. Gave up and surrendered.Took my stubborn fingers out of my puny ears. (my soul fire doesn’t mince words .Kali can seem like a weak, fluffy, kitten when She who is Me really comes calling!)
I recalibrated to allow an easy vibration to take the place of push and within minutes I received news that got me off the hook of my impending deadline.
This always works when I have the courage to stop forcing, when I consciously erase old programming that harnesses me to the idea that struggle is noble and more worthy than ease.
My ‘easy’ face.
Despite our fierce devotion to the divine, to spirituality, to a worthy cause it’s so ridiculously easy to lose touch with your own soul. What good are we to others if we lose connection to our own divine whispers?
This was an important lesson that came and smacked me right on the ass (literally) when I was in childbirth. My first birth wasn’t easy (understatement). Three full days of contractions that came and went, some efficient in their pain, some benign and just down right tiresome.
I was (in that fabulous thing called retrospect) so ‘in bed’ with desired outcomes, so invested in the ‘how’ this birth would happen, so preoccupied by my intellectual perspective of birthing, that my Soul, She who creates all, was sitting bored in the back benches filing her nails. I now know that when She is off duty not much works well, and certainly easy leaves the experience. Result? Emergency C-section with much drama, most of it mine.
The second time I was in labour I danced (ok writhed!) between knowing I should let go and let Ms I’ve got-this Fire–Soul take over, and feeling disloyal to my so called strength; my mind. I thought I was on to it. I kept telling my intellect to let go but instead of really surrendering all I was doing was involving my head yet again. (She’s got some seriously good grip shoes).
Birth #2 started swimmingly. But as soon as I got into hosptial (that’s a whole other story) my fear of getting it wrong kicked in. Once again the
monkey baboon mind hustled its way to the front and the ‘push’ started to take root again, ironically getting me and my bub no closer to the preferred pushing place.
As things started to unravel once more and the deja poo of birth #1 started to crown, my wise husband grabbed my sweaty, little hand in his bigger bossier one and said,
” Ok love, you really have to let go and let the real you take over.”
He’s a gentle man, attentive to all my needs, especially in the presence of a sweat drenched, writhing, roaring beast of burden in labour. But this time both his grip and grim face were unrelenting. Kali had once again shape-shifted and consumed him too. I actually felt just a teeny bit scared of him for the first time.
I protested, hated him. I felt betrayed, dishonoured and bruised by his apparent dismissal of my needs, my desire to push through and get what I wanted, what I thought I was entitled to, what I felt obliged to contribute to the World (one less Ceasaraen statistic), to my child (a ‘normal’, ‘natural’ birth) , my body (a shorter and less painful recovery), to my other son (less time in hospital without him) and most importantly to my ego who just loves my mind to be in the driving seat no matter the outcome. She’s unrelenting I tell you.
Their ‘easy’ faces!
But then I stopped and did as told. I reconnected with the Fire of my Soul, the heat of my Heart. I put ‘Superwoman’ who often poses as my Soul Fire, out to pasture, poured her a martini, gave her a bread stick and just stopped pushing through.
And yes… I did, almost immediately… bring easy life into this World. A beautiful, smiling Buddha-like boy who to this day, 19 years later, travels easily, so very easily through life.